Sunday, April 19, 2020

What Do You Desire?

I'll admit, there are a few television programs I enjoy watching. Lucifer on Netflix is one. I always get a kick out of the times Lucifer corners people and ask them, "what is it that you truly desire?"
I always chuckle at how shocked they are that he would ask, but because he is the devil, they have to give him an answer. While it wasn't the devil who asked me, I was just as surprised when I was asked that question. It wasn't that I didn't know what I desired. I just didn't know if I could get it.

It's been a rough three-and-a-half years. I finished school, got my degree and certification, but that didn't matter. It didn't get me any further ahead. The administration department where I worked didn't care that I had spent the last four years of my life getting a degree and certification. As a matter-of-fact, I was snubbed and passed over for promotion of a job I was qualified for by said administration without even a backward glance by them.

To make matters worse, during that time, I was also betrayed by family members. I was at an all time low. I didn't know how to go on. I thought I had figured my life out, but nothing was going as planned. I was lost, wondering around in a desert I didn't know how to get out of. Finally, I sought professional help.

The first few weeks were tough. There were things I knew to be true, I just didn't want to face them. I remember after pouring my heart out in one particular session, my therapist told me, "that's your story. That's not who you are." When I left that day, I was given the task to answer the question 'who was I?' In my current situation, I had lost my way. I didn't know who I was anymore. I had given my power away to people who didn't deserve it and didn't have my best interest at heart. I remember telling my therapist, "when I was able to set goals and I was the one in control, I could do anything."

"Take that control back," he told me. "You need to find your way back to who you are. Decide what you really want from life and what it is you truly desire."

I spent several months doing just that. I made lists, wrote in my journal, listened to motivational speakers, meditated, took long walks by myself, and spent hours contemplating who I really was and what I wanted. After several more months of therapy, when my therapist asked me again, I knew exactly what I wanted and I told him.

It seemed when I spoke it out to the universe, the universe started conspiring to make and shape my life into what I had always wanted. Big changes have come and a lot more are coming. I tell people I have come full circle.

I have learned a lot over the last three/four years. People who I thought did not have my best interest at heart, did, and those I trusted, were the people who betrayed me. I learned that even though I got lost, I could find my way back. I learned that no matter what happens, always follow and believe in yourself and never allow people to control the essence of who you are and take away your drive, your heart and your soul.

Even though we are in the midst of the corona-virus pandemic, I believe something good can come from this. I am looking to the future. I have plans for my life and they are my plans. I control the outcome. I am now asking each one of you to look at your life and in this time of contemplation ask yourself, "what is it you truly desire?" I know if you look, truly look, you will find it.

Until next time, keep writing~
Deborah


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